How important is Self Love?

I don’t know how you feel about the idea of self love right now. If you’re anything like I used to be it might feel like a really foreign concept. Especially if life feels tough.

Perhaps you’re feeling like you’re not good enough or not worthy of love. Maybe the idea seems hippyish or not realistic. Or perhaps you feel like you full blown don’t like yourself, I know I did. So really, how important is Self Love?

This page is not about forcing you to love yourself. It is about being open to the idea that at some point in the future you might start to like yourself… and being open to the possibility that like might turn to love.

The truth is the more of our trauma we shed, we become happier, grounded and more in control of our lives. We start to realise that things that happened to us weren’t our fault. We become free and in doing so we become free of limiting behaviours and beliefs keeping us stuck in old patterns and fears. As we liberate ourselves we start to realise that we are worthy of this liberation.

It is extremely common for my clients to transition into a place where they are more stable and enjoy their own life more because they learned to like and love themselves. When we love ourselves we treat ourselves better. We take more care. Expect more care from others. We raise our standards. Learn to say no and to set healthy boundaries We become empowered and realise we don’t need anxiety or OCD or flashbacks or panic attacks. We know that we deserve a quality of life and our reality aligns around that.

This is not an overnight thing that happens. It is a journey. But it can be truly deep and profound with life changing and lasting results if you feel ready to show up.

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Below are 10 self love quotes with a breakdown of each one and how we can make those changes in our lives. I invite you to read them as you wonder, how important is self love? Just simply allow my words to resonate with any areas of your mind that might like to listen.

1

I absolutely love this quote because its so very true! Not only do we deserve our own love and affection but we are also the best qualified to give it to us! We are the only ones who truly know just how difficult our journey has been at times.

We have insights into ourselves that nobody else does and therefore can give the most appropriate support, encouragement and love to ourselves.

I can hear you saying “It’s because I know myself so well that I find it hard to love myself – I know all the bad stuff too!” I hear you and at times I have resonated with that, but again I urge you to look deeper. If you know yourself better than anyone else, then surely you are the only person qualified to understand the context of your actions. None of us are perfect and we are all products of our life experiences which include the many critical beliefs we adopt about ourselves. Sometimes we make decisions out of hurt and pain instead of with the illuminating transparency of hindsight – and that’s because we have the pleasure of being a human being and not a robot! Phew!

So if it is true that we often act from a hurt place, doesn’t it make sense that our hurt self needs love, understanding and forgiveness? Blame is accompanied by shame and guilt, which in my opinion just fester and don’t lead to a productive outcome. Often the part of us that is hurting stems all the way back to childhood so it can be helpful to visualise that part of ourselves as a little helpless boy or girl. Now doesn’t it make sense that they (we) are in need of even more love and affection?

You wouldn’t blame or criticise a hurt little child so why do it to ourselves?

Once we can truly accept the situation for what it is and know that we are worthy of love no matter what, then not only do we raise the bar for expecting more love and affection from others, but we also shift our focus into a state where we can truly make changes and become the person we know we really are without being bogged down by past hurts.

2

Again, this is another fantastic quote. I’m sure you will agree that at times we are our own biggest critic. We speak to ourselves in ways we would never talk to another person. If you mess something up do you tell yourself you’re stupid? Are you quick to jump to anger towards yourself? Do you criticise the way you look in the mirror? Perhaps you play mind reader and assume that other people are thinking negative things about you too. Why? Because deep down it’s what we believe about ourselves.

It may be a surprise to learn that most of our programming comes from our early childhood.

Between the ages of 0-7 we spend most of our time in Alpha and Theta brainwaves which is the same state as meditation and hypnosis.

Therefore we were highly suggestible and were programmed to believe whatever we were told (or learned through experience). Many of us feel “I’m not good enough” or “I’m a bad person”. We may find that as we grow up we even echo words of our parents or caregivers to ourselves, like “you’re being stupid” etc. If any of this feels familiar you are certainly not alone but the good news is you can change the way you think!

Like Louise Hay says in the above quote, simply start approving of yourself and see what happens. The key is to break the old habit of criticism. You have been doing that for years and it’s not working out for you! It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that if we tell ourselves over and over again that we are bad, ugly, rubbish, don’t deserve to be seen or heard and can’t do anything right then we aren’t going to magically wake up one morning completely loving and accepting ourselves! It is a process and that process starts with being open to the possibility that you deserve love and then getting into the practice of catching yourself being the critic. You can’t change something until you are aware of what you’re doing in the first place.

3

This is actually a great quote to follow on from the previous one because it’s not asking us to immediately start saying “I’m amazing. I’m fantastic. I am 100% lovable!”. Now if you believe these things are true then by all means shout them from the roof tops and I will be the first person cheering you on! But for anyone still struggling with the whole concept of self love, this can be an excellent place to start.

The words “I am enough” are very difficult for the brain to reject. True change happens when the brain can find a hook into believing what you’re telling it. So if you were to tell yourself that grass is red your brain would just reject it. But if you were to say “I’m open to the possibility that grass could look red if paint had just been spilled on it” your brain could get on board with that. Similarly, if you were to say “I am the best person in the world” when deep down you believe you are an awful person because of childhood programming, your brain will reject it and ping back to what it already believes to be true.

Our brain always seeks to confirm what we already believe to be true.

So knowing this, it makes sense that in order to change a hard negative belief consciously, we need to create stepping stones of getting from the negative to the positive belief. One of my favourite ways to do this is by saying “I am open to the possibility”. Or “I’m in the process of learning”.

What is so great about the phrase “I am enough” is that it is so simple. It is easy to remember and to repeat to yourself and, bonus, your brain will accept it! This is an amazing stepping stone to self love but even as a stand alone phrase it is incredibly powerful and has the capacity to change lives.

Marissa Peer encourages us to write it everywhere. Have it on your mirror so that you see it each day and associate it with seeing your face. Have it as a screen saver on your computer and phone, set alerts to tell you “YOU ARE ENOUGH”. I have actually done this myself and it is true that it drip-feeds in until it becomes your internal “go to” phrase instead of criticism and negativity. I would end up having a secret smile when my alert went off telling me I was enough. These days I tell myself that I am amazing and worthy of the highest kind of love – and I am beaming!

4

“You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink”. I’m sure we have all come across this phrase before, the idea being that you can bend over backwards doing everything in your power for another person. But at the end of the day the only way the other person is going to change is if they want it for themselves and choose to do the work. Well, guess what? The same is true of ourselves!

If we want to truly change and have the life we most desire and deserve, then that change must start with ourselves.

Any therapist will tell you that it won’t work for a client to enter the therapists office and say “I want you to fix me” – It simply doesn’t work that way! The therapist acts as a facilitator to change, offering amazing tools and insights in order for the client to overcome limiting beliefs and reach their goals.

Does knowing this make you feel really excited? Think about it, you don’t have to rely on anyone else in the world in order for you to be happy and feel loved. You don’t have to leave it to chance to meet the right person for the job, you don’t have to join endless waiting lists or travel around the world to find the answer.

The answer lies within you!

You hold all the power to your own success. Once you truly realise that the face staring back at you in the mirror is the one who is your ally and friend, you get to work together to find the resources and signposts you need to get from where you are to where you want to be. Real change often starts with simply making the decision to begin and realising that you can do it. This is an amazing step on the road to self love.

5

I love this quote because it really does confirm that the power lies within us. We can choose to be a creator of our own life.

We have absolutely no control over what other people choose to do or say. They are the creators of their own life and as such, will get out of it what they choose to put in. I don’t know about you but I personally choose to have a lovely life! Full of amazing experiences, beautiful relationships and huge amount of time spent doing things that I love. That supports an amazing relationship with myself. As such, if somebody chooses to say something to me with the intention of making me feel bad, I then have a choice: Do I allow this persons words to take root and give away all power over my state of mind and my beautiful day? Or do I choose to return to sender with love?

If you do not let hurtful comments in, then it is literally impossible for them to affect you.

It can be helpful to realise that when people say things to make us feel inferior, it is usually because they feel the need to elevate themselves because they actually feel inferior themselves. Once I realise this I find it much easier to just let the comment go and to think of them with love, because if they are acting that way, they must need it, right?

Now of course, we all have good days and bad days. If we are feeling low or a bit fragile, other peoples words and actions can really have a huge impact. Our internal buttons can be pushed and we can revert to feeling very young, vulnerable and upset. If this happens with frequency it is a good indicator that we need to raise our own level of self love, self acceptance and compassion for ourselves.

We have all had times when those negative beliefs come forward and I do understand. It feels so horrible to be sucked into all those negative feelings leaving us feeling helpless and alone. But please remember this is a product of past programming. The more you develop practices of self love, the more resilient you will become. Other peoples comments just fall away as you discover your own magnificence and that you are enough, just as you are.

6

Another amazing quote which on first glance is quite similar to previous ones. However, I’d like to discuss what comes next. After you have decided who you want to be, how do you make that happen in reality? There are some really useful tools that each of us can use to sharpen our focus of just who it is we want to become.

Ask yourself the question, if you were already become the person you decided to be, what are you like?

• Make vivid bright pictures of yourself being this ideal version of yourself. Notice what you look like. What you’re wearing. How you carry yourself. Your gestures. How you interact with others and how others respond to you.

• What can you hear? Perhaps positive things that people say to you? What is your internal self talk like? What other sounds are there from this future place eg. the sound of the sea or people applauding etc.

• Notice any feelings positive of confidence, acceptance, self love, happiness, wealthiness, contentment, peace or any others that are specific to you.

• Imagine stepping into this future you. Feel yourself connect with this body. How does it feel different? Look through your own eyes and really experience all that you have seen in the previous steps; but as if you are already there. Enjoy soaking up this experience noticing as many details as possible. Make sure you really feel those positive feelings inside your body.

• Return to present day. Bring back with you any tips of how to get from where you are to where you want to be.

Doing visualisations like this are so incredibly powerful because you are literally training your brain to go after your goals like a heat seeking missile. The brain doesn’t know the difference between real and false. It simply responds to images and words. So each time you do this exercise you are activating and strengthening the neural pathways in your brain. Meaning that your brain will then seek to create more of this same experience. How amazing is that? It literally costs nothing to utilise the power of your own brain to become the person you decide to be.

7

It is really important to take a moment to appreciate just how strong a person you are. Every single obstacle, hurdle, heart break, loss and trauma has forced you to have to draw on resources deep inside you to be able to survive and overcome these difficult times. Other people may have helped you out, but ultimately you are the one person that has got you through those tough times. You have been to hell and back and you have survived.

You are a warrior and a hero.

Often, the people around us have no idea of the personal pain that we have endured in our lives. Sometimes even trying to convey it to another person diminishes it somehow or we feel that they wouldn’t understand. The truth is nobody ever knows what it is like to walk in another persons shoes and have their total experience of life. As a result it can sometimes feel lonely, isolating or like another person just wouldn’t “get it”.

I would just like to say to you today, that you are so much stronger than you realise. It is my belief that you should recognise all your many strengths and to smile as you recognise the warrior within. Know that if you are strong enough to get this far, then you truly can accomplish anything. Recognising how far you have come and being an ally to yourself is an important part of Self Love.

8

When we think about loving ourselves and the journey that might entail, it can feel somewhat overwhelming. Could I ever do that? Is it even possible? Thoughts like ‘I’m just not like those other people’. Or ‘I’ve been through too much and am too messed up’ can creep in. But please remember that each and every moment is literally the start of the rest of your life. It can be an opportunity to start your amazing journey.

No matter how hard your past has been you can start your future today. You can make that whatever you want it to be.

I often find even if I have no idea of how to achieve my end goal, I just focus on the next step. Then what I discover there will naturally lead me to my next step. Then the step after that. For example, when I had anxiety and depression as a result of extreme trauma, I didn’t think to myself that I would become a therapist and teach about Self Love!

I hated myself and my life and barely got through each day.

However, by focusing on just one step (learning to live without addictions) I soon discovered that I could learn to eat again and put on weight. Then the next step was that as I felt healthier. I realised that spending time in my own head wasn’t actually that bad. I also discovered I liked to walk in fields. So for my next step I started to walk more. As I walked more I started to have conversations with myself. I discovered I actually quite liked parts of myself. For my next step I became intrigued with how the mind works. I started doing mental exercises to have some control over my moods.

My depression and anxiety fell away as I took more and more control over the way I felt. The more I did this, the next step was to train in some of the therapies I had been using. This lead me to meet amazing people and discover my own abilities as a therapist.

Over the years there have been many steps on my journey. But I can honestly tell you that at the beginning of my journey, I could not have conceived of the me that skips through fields. Or catches myself in the mirror and grins at me. Or tells me so many wonderful things about myself. I could never have envisioned that I would go from a world of turmoil and pain, to a life of freedom and love.

If I can do it, then believe me, so can you.

Our past experiences do not define us. But we can grow from them and become the strongest and most alive versions of ourselves. Just have the courage to take that first step and enjoy the ride. Watch as your life transforms in front of you.

9

In this hectic life, I have found some of the best moments come from just taking a moment to stop and breathe. It refocuses and resets me and often allows for the most wonderful new ideas and opportunities to present themselves. I have found the practice of meditation to be an incredibly useful daily tool to do this.

Taking a breath really brings us back into our bodies in a very felt way.

It grounds us and keeps us present. Which is particularly helpful if we are getting too caught up in the thinking brain. Einstein used to say that his best ideas came when he was day dreaming. By engaging the creative side of your brain suddenly anything becomes possible. Opportunities present themselves that may previously have been unconsidered by the more restrictive cognitive mind. This can also be applied to our relationship with ourselves. I have often found for example that during a time of stillness, It is easier to let go of old hurts. Or see something from another persons perspective or see myself in a more loving light.

This quote from a greater perspective, could be asking you to stop and shift perspective on your life journey. What is it you really want? Are you on track? What would it take for you to be happy and fulfilled? What would it take for you to fully love yourself? Once you know the answers to these questions you can decide, what comes next?

10

Whether it is the act of loving another person or fully allowing ourselves to open up and receive love from someone, it all seems to come down to my most favourite kind of love; self love.

I have found this to be the starting place for all love. It has been asked, “how can you truly love another person if you don’t first learn to love yourself?” The more I ponder this the more I find it to be true. But I also wonder “how can you fully receive love if you don’t love yourself first?” Surely if we don’t love ourselves then we aren’t going to be setting the bar very high. We may not feel we are worthy of the highest level of kindness, compassion and love from others. We end up settling for less and then we end up unhappy wondering what we have done wrong. Thus the whole cycle feeds into itself as we affirm to ourselves that we are, indeed, unlovable!

Each of us are worthy of being loved. We knew this when we were a baby. We came into this world expecting love and cuddles and cried if we didn’t get the attention we deserved. Or we didn’t have our needs met.

As we grew up we developed negative beliefs about ourselves and have been treating ourselves critically ever since. Today is the perfect day to stop doing that. We are each worthy of the highest level of love. The only way we are going to be able to give and receive that level of love is if we have it inside ourselves to give and if we fully believe that we deserve to receive it from others.

So it’s an inside job, it starts with you. How much love do you deserve? Flood yourself with Kindness, Compassion, Understanding, Forgiveness and Love. Treat yourself like your best friend, encourage, support, laugh, cry and know above all that you have your own back. Remember, you are the very best person to give love to yourself because you know yourself better than anyone else and know just how much strength you have to have brought you to this point.